What To Say When Scattering Ashes
“What do we say when scattering the ashes?” Is a question I get a lot from my clients. After working intimately with families for 20 years, I have learned a few things from past clients about how they chose to memorialize their loved one. I’d like to share what I have learned in the blog post.
At a Journey with Wings we scatter cremated remains by airplane. Our service is a beautiful and unique way to memorialize your loved one, and it also gives you options for social distancing. Families have many options for designing their individualized service. Our service allows time for the family to express their feelings and say some words.
So, what have we learned about what some of these families have chosen. What they say seems to be shaped by three main things: the life of the person you are honoring, who is in attendance, and what scattering service option you have chosen.
When asked, I always suggest mentioning why you chose to scatter their ashes. What was it about your loved one that makes scattering their cremated remains by airplane the right choice? For example, were they a free spirit and being released into the wind matches their life? Maybe it gives you peace to know that the ashes are scattered on the winds to travel wherever they are carried. Does the location where they are being scattered have significance? Perhaps you chose the location because you feel close to them there, and maybe you plan to return there in remembrance of your loved one.
You may also want to consider any religious affiliation of the deceased or those in attendance. Would your loved one want prayers or scripture recited at the service? Did they have any special beliefs or favorite scripture? Prayers and scripture may give comfort to family and friends attending the service. You might also consider poems that express the nature of your loved one, something that speaks to who they are. Families have asked us to say specific words at the time we release the ashes from the plane. There are some examples here that may help you find a perfect fit for your service.
Another way families choose to memorialize their loved one is through music. Perhaps your loved one had a special song or artist. Music has a special way of expressing feelings and stirring emotions, and we often coordinate the release of the ashes with music played in the background.
The suggestions I give are based on what families have expressed to me. For more in-depth advice on what to say, I turned to a professional, Mr. Dan Burchart. Dan is an officiant, and is associated with the Wayfarers Chapel in Palos Verdes, CA. We coordinated memorial services with him on the ground with the family while I was in the air. When I asked him for some words of wisdom, this is what he said: “In making a selection for a meaningful message to share at an aerial scattering, I work with families to personalize something appropriate that would reflect hope in life beyond the human experience. The transition from this life to the next is a universal passage, shrouded in mystery but we need not face this experience with fear. We can call upon what we know about the spiritual realm and nature to find hope in such times.” Dan has generously provided a list of memorial readings that he uses during cremated remains scattering services. You can see it below.
The other thing to consider is when to say your chosen words during the scattering service. In my opinion, it would be different for a witnessed scattering or the private scattering.
In our Witnessed Scattering Service, we call you before we depart. We do this to make sure everything is ready at your location before we take off. We would rather wait on the ground for a few minutes rather than have someone miss it because they couldn’t find parking. For most locations in our Southern California service area, we try to contact you about 30 minutes before the scheduled scattering time. This allows for the perfect window to say some words of remembrance. Some families have told us that the time immediately following the scattering was perfect for quiet reflection, and others said they felt celebratory and joyous feelings after watching the release of the ashes.
In our Private Scattering Service, there are often family members on board the plane participating with us. There are specific things to do on the flight to prepare for and perform the scattering. The family members often want to say a few words, and on the Private Scattering Service we recommend waiting until after the ashes have been released. We have the technology on board the aircraft to play music on the headsets, so you can choose the music you want to play during the service.
I hope this information helps you determine what to say when scattering ashes. Please feel free to reach out with any questions or to schedule a service.